This is for someone on my twitter page. How I stopped drinking is possibly not going to help anyone as it's personal to me.
AA told me you will never stop unless it's for you, bullshit!! 8 years on and I did it for my family, and only for them.
Of course now I enjoy my sobriety but I'd be dishonest to say sometimes I don't wish for a drink when times get hard or I get stressed or anxious, but I only have to think of my children and grandchildren to know it's not an option.
At the beginning I cried so much, was in so much pain from not drinking, I felt like I was standing on the edge of a huge mountain with no safety net and no one to catch me. It was lonely and scary.
I felt all bad emotions, anger that I couldn't drink, bitterness, sadness and the pain was unbearable but however bad I felt I just told myself 'shut the fuck up, you deserve all this pain for what you put your kids through with your drinking'.
That's basically how I got through each day. I'd look at the clock, seeing it coming up to last orders at the off licence, drink shop, and think to myself, 'right only a few more minutes and I can't get a drink till tomorrow even if I wanted'.
That's one thing I took from AA, take it a day at a time or an hour at a time or a minute at a time, whatever helps.
My kids have been there for me from the start, they're more supportive than I ever deserve but they're there and love me and I'd never let them down again.
I really felt sorry for myself, I used to put the TV or music on loud and sit and cry I felt so bad, and the guilt was enormous and just made me feel like my heart was breaking that I'd been a drunk while my kids grew up, and even now I know that guilt will never leave me but I'm sober and that's what matters to me and to my kids and grandchildren.
Sorry if this is rambling but it's just how it came into my head, but hope it helps to know that I was a self pitying, crying wreck who couldn't have got on twitter or anywhere else and felt good and sounded happy like I've seen on there since joining so I think you're all doing great, and good luck, you can do it.
Love to you xx
4 comments:
Wow. I also have been sober for 11 years and I an so grateful! Thank you for your testament.
Well done:-) It's great isn't it, and to share with others who know what it means.
I'm grateful every day for my family and sobriety.
Thank you and have a great day"
Really sums up how I'm feeling these days. Thanks for sharing that. Jeff on Twitter
I am really thinking of you now, it's not all happy happy is it, but find something that you can hang onto and take out your feelings on that. Even if just writing it down, kicking the cat etc.
Hold on there buddy, you can make it.
xx
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