Bad Day

Yesterday was a bad day, I lost all my balance again.  Balance seems hard for me.  I know what  I should be doing, but I just don't do it.

My ears were more noisy yesterday, I have tinnitus, still continuing today, I always have noise but sometimes it's worse than others.

It was my eldest granddaughters 5th birthday, I phoned her and wished her happy birthday and heard the excitement in her voice telling me of her presents and the people who would be sharing her precious day with her.  All my family would be there, but not me.

I have to admit I did feel sorry for myself, but also sorry for her that I couldn't be there and see her enjoy her day.

So, I just slobbed about on the laptop all day, didn't get any of the things done I should have, for my personal growth, didn't do anything at all, not even the garden got watered.

It feels like a massive downer after those few positive days, but this time I'm going to try and get right back up there, and carry on.

Today I will try to regain my balance, go out with my therapist round the block, and all the other things I neglected yesterday.

By writing it down, I hope to seal it into my brain, as I do when I keep repeating over and over 'I don't suffer panic attacks', or 'it's no bother going out, it's fine'.

Please, brain, be good now.