Picture This

Sitting with my live in boyfriend, both drunk on a bottle of vodka each, but not drunk enough.

Look at the clock, panic, closing time, we've missed it.

We panic, we need more, thinks how to do this.

Go to a hotel, they're bound to have drink after hours.  So we go, drive, to the nearest hotel, 3 star, nice place, we rock up drunk, trying to appear sober.

Book room, ring room service, ask for bottle of Vodka, get told it's £50 a bottle, forget the reason why, but for fuck sakes, £50 a fucking bottle man.

What did we do?  We'd already paid over a ton for the room, we were that desperate we bought the bottle, and I added some Valium to the mix to at least get full benefit.

We were grubby, smelled of smoke, the guy looked disdainful, but left the bottle after being paid by cheque.

We started drinking, a row broke out, can't remember why, my live in boyfriend walked to the balcony, one floor up, next I heard crashing about in the trees below, I staggered up and looked over, saw him move and went back to lie on the bed to drink.  He had jumped over but didn't know why.

For some reason I locked him out of the room, didn't want him back.  He made his way back and started banging on the door, by this time I had emptied my pill bottle and hid the pills, throwing the empty bottle on the bed.  I don't know why.

I let him in, he looked at the bottle and swore, asked me if I'd taken them, I just gazed at him, I could have answered but didn't.  I don't know why.

He called an ambulance, lots of fuss early morning in hotel, they came and checked me out, I was ok.

I then slept.

We woke, feeling like death, stinking in clothes we'd slept in, stinking of booze and fags.  We crept out, got in the car and drove home.

I knew I had to face my kids then, and their looks of disappointment and disgust.  Felt like the worst shittiest mother in the world, basically I was.

That drink cost us near on £200, added to all the others caused a life time of regret.  That's insanity!!